Posted in Poetry

Jackboot

What a sad, pathetically dreary day
Living love, triumphed over hatred and evil
Only to watch the world washed away
Souls drowned deep in their own hypocrisy
The machine grinding their bones to dust
Message ignored, much to my dismay
Masters manipulating every movement
You’re living and breathing the choreography
And I’ve never let the strings have any sway

Posted in Poetry

Where The Heart Is

To everyone no longer in my life
I miss you deeply but I’ll be OK
Seems no matter the direction
I’m still here to see another day
Had to lose it all a long time ago
Before I was ever able to find me
A journey learning to be human
Without that I was blinded to see
What I ever missed to start with
Couldn’t possibly been known
Realizing now all I really wanted
Was to someday find my home
Without the stinging of betrayal
Agony of loss and countless wrongs
Would have never found the place
Because home was inside all along

Posted in Poetry

Love Me

You’ll need to understand how I wear my scars
And the bile of betrayal left to swallow
Demons stripped of power to sway
Or eventually you’ll just walk away

You’ll need to understand there’s no more tears
And now there is nothing left to fear
Heart has been fully revived today
Or perhaps you’re the one to stay

Posted in Poetry

Stone

Turning the other cheek through weaving words
Standing there’s nothing left to fell me anymore
Learning to temper failure into infallible armor
Eventually even the sting of rejection fades away
No longer afraid of silence in the dead of night
Your words fallen on deaf ears I remain unswayed
Once an ode to stone of an empty human shell
To the foundation of stone the man I am today

Posted in Expression

Full Circle

I guess I always knew deep down where I’ve never allowed anyone to see, I was destined to lose my only son.

You see? Driving one night on Labor Day, 1986, I lost my best friend in a car accident where I was behind the wheel. Details don’t matter much. Grand Juries, indictments for manslaughter, the loss of everyone who ever meant anything to me. Does it really matter?

Life altering tragedies and loss also drastically alter the very foundation of our souls. It left me shattered and broken in ways most humans will never, ever understand.

It took decades to put my soul back together and vanquish the multitudes of demons festering inside.

Sometimes I wonder if the whole reason I went through the excruciatingly painful process of rebuilding my soul was to be entirely whole and extremely alive again, only to suffer the greatest loss of my life.

I fought demons all alone, that no mortal man should ever have to face. Learned how to be still, no matter how much life rages around me. Learned how to look in the mirror and finally be at peace with who I see.

I remember when my son was born, thinking someday I would lose him. It was a deep, instinctive feeling I was never able to shake or share with even those most intimate. I held it so close, desperately thinking that if it ever came to light, maybe it would happen.

We don’t have the power to alter fate like that though and if anyone should know this, it’s me.

My son grew up and became a man. After September 11th, all he wanted to do was serve his country and all I knew is it would be the end of him. He spent 5 years in the Navy and after a lengthy extended tour, coming home to marital problems, he ended his life.

How much of my brokenness cost me the loss of my only son? How much more a price I have to pay?

Posted in Poetry

Mirror

Life stripped away everything important

And I held myself in contempt

Empty inside, going through the motions

Mimicking a humanity, I never believed in

Laying silent, dormant and all alone

Awakened inside to demons who fed on darkness

Surrounded by walls and trapped inside

A splinter of love grasped to light the way

Every demon vanquished and left with me

Growing light illuminating who I am

Beyond what life has given and taken way

In the mirror’s cold and empty reflection

Finally, at peace with who I see

Posted in Poetry

I’m Finally Home

Searched for a place you instinctively knew as a child

So afraid of losing anything I ended up losing it all

Drowning in my own self inflected chaotic morass

Surrounded by the wreckage of so many mistakes

Washing away in a tearful sea of betrayal and loss

A wise man with so many lessons now learned

Strengthened by a price paid in blood and tears

New beginning found through finally being done

Took the right key to unlock that place within

Shattered heart healed and I’m finally home

Posted in Poetry

Life and Death

Life challenged my humanity
Only in death, I’ll be judged
Spent eons desperately wondering
If I’d ever feel again
So many people came and went
But the mirror never changes
Reaping what we sow
Judged on pools of tears
Or maybe smiles and laughter
The incredible highs
Or the deepest lows
Success and failure matter not
Or material riches and wealth
Just acceptance and peace
When it comes to the soul

Posted in Poetry

Without You

Sensing a vibrant color and clarity
Seeing life in an entirely new light
Feeling old wounds and scars heal
A new understanding of my plight

Watching the tragic loss and betrayal
All the abandonment and rejection
Finally, a reason the lessons learned
A destination of love and affection

Avalanche of changed perspective
Questioning everything I ever knew
One stark truth stands above all else
I’ll never want to go on without you